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Ray's personal life

Eulogy for Mylene

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Eulogy for Mylene, mother of my two beautiful children, Leoni and Librani, and grandmother to my marvellous grandson, Kumo:

Actually, Mylene’s departure has been  harder  for  me  than I thought it would be, given our problematic divorce. I was always unable to control my over-strong emotions or erase my long memory.

About a week ago, I decided that I needed to write a letter to Mylene to tell her about my true feelings. Hours after she died, but before I knew that, I wrote, in one go, that letter. Now I shall have no chance to read it to her, in life, so I shall read it, slightly edited, to her now – publicly.

Dear Mylene

This is a very difficult text for me to start, but I have a feeling that it is something that I must do, at this point. There are a number of things that I need to say to you, as our lives move towards their conclusions. It is only at the end of one’s life that all the petit traumas – and the bigger ones – come into a clearer perspective.

You may feel that, in your current state of health, life has not been fair to you. You are certainly right – but that seems to be the nature of life: unpredictable, almost random and, unlike in the movies, never really resolving itself to a satisfactory conclusion.

I have been fortunate. so far, and have also worked hard on my health (notwithstanding that I still smoke as much as ever). I have had my health problems. All of these, I have recovered from, but I cannot say where the next bombshell will appear from.

You have, on the other hand, had some unfortunate health issues, which, in spite of all our history, I do not believe you deserve. You had been, for some eight years when we were genuinely together, as true partners, a rock to me, a hard worker, an honest women and a brilliant mother.

What happened in the early eighties, happened. We were equally responsible for all the consequences. I know that you always blamed me and you can continue with the blaming, if you wish. I certainly accept my full part in the whole story and do not claim that I was the victim of circumstances, which is easy enough to claim. However, I always acted with the best welfare of everyone in mind, not in any way, in a selfish manner with only myself as beneficiary. I made many mistakes, some of them quite disastrous, but I never compomised my integrity and I always acted for what I thought was the best.

In the mid to late seventies, we were both confused and had had an extremely hard time of it. But then, when we each set out for the East, in the early seventies, we both were craving adventure and we both got it, in our own way. Adventure is great, as stories around the fire after it is over, but, when it is in progress, it is hell. If it isn’t, then it is not true adventure.

We were both, not only great survivors, but also we brought up two fantastic kids, in a unique and beneficial way. The seed of that will go on for generations to come. Because of our chosen life-style and the arrival of our children, our adventure turned into a life of ridiculously hard-work and excessive stress. We were – neither of us – able to cope with it, in the end. The bubble had to burst and it did, in the eighties.

They were bad times – the years before we returned to Europe and the first years after. In the end, we, each of us, finally found our way to building a reasonable life for ourselves, after the kids grew up.

For both of us, I know that this was an up-and-down roller-coaster of a ride through life. I finished up as a professional programmer for 13 years, so I was able to save for my future (in the full knowledge of how easy it is for any bad fortune to lead us not to have any future, at all).

You, on the other hand, have fallen on a single piece of ill fortune, a serious illness, that has felled you, such a strong woman. If only life were fair, this would never have happened, but you will remember that I had told you that, at the age of 17, I watched my father go through such a serious illness, from which, in his case, he never survived. No-one in the world deserves this fate and certainly not such a man who, in spite of all his mistakes, ignorance and simple mindedness, only ever intended to do good and never, ever intended harm to any other human. I feel the same now – that you are someone, who, in spite of your mistakes and failings (which make you human – we all have them), you supported me for the early years of our relationship with a true dedication and did everything you could to see the kids grow up, into responsible, intelligent and worthy citizens of the World.

Your great good fortune was meeting with and making a relationship with Peter. I do not know him well, but I do know that he is a loving and caring individual and should be very much appreciated for all he does for you. For my part, I wound up alone. I went through so many relationships, in the meantime, but finished up realizing that any relationship beyond friendship is doomed to failure. No-one, in their right mind, would put up with me, my opinionated nature, my overbearing personality, for very long – and I snore.

For what it is worth, I wish you every good fortune, for the rest of your life. I pray that you will become pain-free and I acknowledge the most important part that you have played in my amazing life. Thank you.

Ray

Indeed,  she  is now free from the problems of her personal world, which she always took on board so heavily. She was my loving partner for eight of  the  most  important  years  of  my  life  and  the mother of my two beautiful children. She will, from now, be always only remembered, by me, as such – and nothing else.

————————————————————————————–

Albums of photos may be found at ‘Mylene’s Funeral’ and ‘Mylene as I Knew Her

3 comments to Eulogy for Mylene

  • jacqueline

    Ray:

    I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your ex wife and the mother of your children.

    I am saddened by the fact that I have never met her.

    Very deep love and regrets at such a big loss.

  • Nella

    Ray, Its was a heart felt eulogy to Mylene, and I believe she heard it from the place where she is resting now.

    I would like to share this poem expressing much of the churning pain and loss that befall us who are left behind grieving for the loved ones ….

    When We Understand the Plan
    ===========================

    I reckon when the world we leave
    And cease to smile and cease to grieve,
    When each of us shall quit the strife
    And drop the working tools of life,
    Somewhere, somehow, we’ll come to find
    Just what our Maker had in mind.

    Perhaps through clearer eyes than these
    We’ll read life’s hidden mysteries,
    And learn the reason for our tears-
    Why sometimes came unhappy years,
    And why our dearest joys were brief
    And bound so closely unto grief.

    There is so much beyond our scope,
    As blindly on through life we grope,
    So much we cannot understand,
    However wisely we have planned,
    That all who walk this earth about
    Are constantly beset by doubt.

    No one of us can truly say
    Why loved ones must be called away,
    Why hearts are hurt, or can explain
    Why some must suffer years of pain;
    Yet some day all of us shall know
    The reason why these things are so.

    Love Nella

  • Lewis Selby

    Ray

    Your eulogy was very moving. What you said about Dad brought me to weep openly, even though I was alone when I read it.
    Even though she never read it I believe that you have made your peace with Mylene and she can go into whatever the future holds knowing your true feelings.
    I did not know Mylene well, apart from a few brief days 30 years ago, but I know that she must have truly loved you to have been able to forge any kind of deep relationship with one with such an opinionated and overbearing personality for very long (paraphrasing your own words). Eight years would have been impossible without real love!
    Let her now rest in peace – in peace with both you and herself and let her spirit continue within Leoni, Librani and Kumo.

    Love and best wishes from Rosemary and me.
    .
    Lewis

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